I couldn't figure it out! You know, I filled out a resume and a job application, and for some reason, I haven't been elected president. I heard something about some Gorey guy and a Bushey fella', but everyone should realize, I would make the best president! Just look at the stuff I'd do if I were president...
10. Instead of meat, people would eat strawberry Twizzlers because eating meat would be illegal, and Twizzlers are good.
9. I would insist that my dog, Chyna, be vice-president.
8. No matter how important an announcement was, I wouldn't interrupt ABC soaps to say it.
7. Whatever work I had to do, it'd be put off until I got my dose of Daria in for the day.
6. The news would be interrupted for special Daria-related reports such as, "Fellow Americans, Diane Long has written a new Daria fan fiction. Stop watching the news like a bunch of losers and read it."
5. The Census surveys would ask questions like, "What's your favorite show?" and "If you were stranded on a desert island with two different boy bands, which boy bands would you want?"
4. The National Anthem would be changed to "Horoscope For Today" for "Weird Al" Yankovic.
3. All Elvis impersonators would be altered slightly... they would be Johnny Bravvo impersonators.
2. Guys with stupid names like "Aubrey" would be forced to change their name to "Ed" because Ed is a good name.
1. Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others!
Now, why didn't I get elected? I just can't understand it...
--Wannabe Presidential Candidate,
Holly the "Holy" Zintel ():-)
No comments:
Post a Comment