Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Ouch, My Liver!

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Let's all hope it's not against my religion to post tarot cards on my blog. The card seems to be correct, though. I have excellent intuition, especially (for some reason) when it comes to Jerry. The night he and Matt first broke up, I woke up sweaty (I didn't even know I could sweat... maybe I need to get some excersize) and panicking for no apparent reason. This has happened before, but that night it was really bad. Then I started getting awful, inexplicable pains in my abdomen, and soon I was in the hospital with a gall bladder that apparently doesn't work and a large benign tumor on my liver. I've noticed that life really hurts, physically and emotionally lately. I'm worried about my first big surgery (my only surgery if we don't count my wisdom teeth, but that hurt way too much to not count), and I can't stop hurting about Jerry and Matt's breakup. The doctors and people who have had their gall bladders out tell me that I'll feel a million times better, and won't hurt at all anymore once surgery is over with. I wish there was a surgery I could have that would make me stop hurting about Jerry and Matt.

<3, Holly

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Hard Times

I remember a time, after my parents had had a fight when I was a little girl. Afterward, my mom sat my brother and I down and told us not to worry, because she and my dad would never get divorced, and that we would never have to choose between our parents. A few years later, due to a completely unrelated matter, my parents did get divorced, but we were never forced to choose between them, thank God. We both still see both of our parents all the time, and there's never really been a time when we felt like we had to choose one or the other. We've been very lucky.

Jerry and Matt have broken up. Of course, this has nothing to do with my parents' divorce, and it's really nothing like that... except that I have that breathless panicky feeling stuck in my throat like I'm going to have to choose between them. I won't have to do that, of course. I'm sure things are going to be very weird for a while, but I hope we can all somehow still be friends. Jerry is and always will be my best friend, but I've grown close to Matt in the past year, too. I felt like we had something awesome, the three of us, as friends, that had nothing to do with Jerry and Matt's relationship, and I don't want that to go away. If it does, I don't know what I'll do. I'm going to miss our late nights at diners, the fun we had at rehearsals, and being able to call them "my boys." I can't stop crying. I wish I had a big stuffed animal to hug. Why did I give all of those away? Christmas songs are making me tear up, because they got together last year, right before Christmas. Tracey's Christmas party is really going to make me cry, because that's where I met Matt. I just want to wake up and have their breakup have been a stupid nightmare I had. I can't believe how stupid I'm being, getting so upset about this- you'd think it was my breakup! I'm sure they're hurting a lot more than I am, which must really suck, because my heart is broken into tiny shards. Good thing we have a lot of Kleenex stored up from everyone's colds.

Speaking of being sick, I got terribly ill last Saturday night. I threw up for twelve hours straight, and had to go to the emergency room at the hospital. But I didn't just have the flu, as it turned out. A lot of really hot doctors decided to keep me in the hospital for over 24 hours for observation, and, after a lot of really painful tests on my stomach, they figured out that I have a large, benign tumor covering my liver, and that my gall bladder was only functioning 10%. An ultra-oh-my-God-hot surgeon came into my room and informed me that my gall bladder will have to come out, and that they'll be scraping the tumor off my liver while they're in there. I'm now on an awful low-fat diet until I can get an MRI next week. Ew.

Well, I've got a bunch of homework to do, so I guess I'll get back to that. Just wanted to bitch about my problems a bit. It didn't really help, but oh well.

<3, Holly