People Would Be Less Depressed If...

You know, some people think that life sucks. I've been reading people's diaries, and geez. Just about every last person was like, "Yesterday, I ate some cereal, went to the mall, watched The Simpsons, and tried to kill myself because life is depressing." My God! That's not the way I think of life at all. I feel terrible for anyone who thinks that way. And so, here are some suggestions that I have to make everyone else's life as cool as mine seems sometimes.

Ways To Make Life Less Depressing

1. Stop listening to Eminem and start listening to "Weird Al" Yankovic.
2. On your lunch break, go to Chuck E. Cheese and play some Ski-Ball.
3. If work or school gets too hard, call in sick, suck all the goo out of those nifty new Twizzlers, and use them as straws to drink root beer through while you watch Ernest Scared Stupid.
4. Instead of the news, watch Johnny Bravvo.
5. Go to Bath & Body Works and buy some of that Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin perfume I got... ohhhh, that stuff's good...
6. Choose an Office Space character to act like for the day. No one will know what the hell you're doing, but *you'll* be entertained!
7. When a new episode of Daria comes on, take an interest in a main character like Jake. When he comes on, you'll be so glad to see him, you'll crack up at everything he says. The next day, when taking your history exam, you'll *still* be laughing, and the pressure of the test won't get to you so much.
8. Act like Rosie O'Donnel all the time. I do. All you have to do is eat a lot, sing all the time, and quote a TV character in every one of your conversations.
9. Write to a restaurant like the Olive Garden, and tell them there was a bug in your food, even if there wasn't. They'll send you a coupon for a free meal.
10. Try not to think about polar bears.
11. When a problem comes along, ask yourself, "What would Mr. Bean do...?"
12. If you want to get in with the popular group, show them a picture of a *really* hot guy, and tell them you're going out with him. They'll follow you around all the time just to get a glimpse of him, and people will think you're cool.
13. When a waitress asks for your drink order, say, "I don't know... I'm sort of in a Spriteful mood today... what do you suggest I do about it?"
14. Go, see my grandma and grandpa Z. They're really hilarious because they fight all the time.
15. Don't watch Fear on MTV. It'll make you paranoid.
16. Get a really different pet, like a flamingo. Then hang a sign on your house that says, "Come, see the flamingo! $2!" You make money that way, plus it'd be funny to have around.
17. Get padded walls in your bedroom, but get them in leopard print, or tye-dyed.
18. Get a religion. Most of the people I see who are depressed don't have one. If nothing else, a religion gives you hope that you're going someplace really sweet when you die instead of nowhere.
19. Volunteer at the soup kitchen. Not only will you be helping people out, but you'll see that you could have a much better reason to be depressed.
20. If you're ugly, either don't look at beauty magazines, or get a makeover, for God's sake.

Welp, kids! There you have it. If you have something that got you over a depression, leave a note on here, or E-mail me. If you don't have an idea, keep your mouth shut.