Zach Day

Well, yesterday was Zach Day. It wasn't too bad because I didn't really see that we did all that much that Zach wanted to do. Before Zach and Bobby showed up, though, I made Sarah over, and Zach quite appreciated that. Heh, so *he* had a good day.

Anyhoo, I guess it's pretty much out in the open that I kind of like Bobby. Zach and Sarah read my "Holly Day" entry, and they figured it out. I don't know if Zach's going to tell him. He promised me he wouldn't, but when Zach finds out about something, he tells the whole frickin' town! ARRRRGH! Last night, we were watching Arlington Road, and Bobby wanted to lay on the floor instead of sitting on the couch with me, and Zach was like, "You whine about not having a girl, but there's one."

Alrighty then. I s'pose we're gonna go to the Pumpkin Patch after Zach gets back from droppin' Bobbo the Clown off. Welp, see ya!

--"Holy" ():-)

Holly Day

Zach was reading my journal (I let him), and he found out that I get jealous sometimes when he and Sarah leave me alone while they go, make out. He and Sarah set up this "Holly Day" thing, devoted to me. They promised not to make me feel left out on that day, and said I could choose whatever we do. I thought that was very noble of them. Well, today was Holly Day! I chose to go, see "Bedazzled" with Mom, Zach, Sarah, and Bobby, and to go to the Pumpkin Patch. Bedazzled was awesome; I just loved it to pieces! Anyhoo, though, Sarah and Zach, as usual, weren't getting along too well tonight...

Mom, Zach, Bobby, and I were all playing Trivial Pursuit, and I was having a ton of fun because I was winning, and I usually suck at that game! Sarah wasn't playing because she wanted to write her story instead. Zach didn't like the fact that she wasn't playing, though, and kept saying, "Sarah, you can't talk to us while we play the game since you're not playing it." Well, the last time she tried to talk to us, and Zach told her to shut up, she was trying to tell us that she had been having such a bad week, she was about ready to cry! The poor girl... I felt really bad for my friend, and didn't think that my brother was helping anything, so I went into my room, where Sarah was hiding, and tried to give her the best advice I could. I don't even know if I helped at all. They're all made up now, so everything alright, but I sure was scared there for a minute.

Mom is having a hard time with Ron, too, and I can't seem to help her with that. Bobby and I were both trying to give her advice, but it didn't seem to work out too well. I asked Bobby why I was no good at helping people, and he said, "All you can do is try. You do your best to help the people you care about, and that's all you can do." I know he's right, but I always feel guilty when I can't give someone the advice that will solve all of their problems.

And there's just one last problem. No one really knows about it... I can't really bring myself to tell them, because... well, it's just weird. There's this guy, and he keeps hitting on me, and it's creepy. No one *ever* hits on me. *Ever*. But... see, he asked me out like, five times, and... I just kind of acted like he was kidding for some reason. I like him because he's cool, and I have fun with him, but I haven't ever really thought of him like that. AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE WITH GUY PROBLEMS! I'M THE THERAPIST! NOT THE PATIENT! ARRRRRRRGH. See, he has this way of acting like he's kidding about everything... but he didn't sound like he was kidding then. I don't know what to do...

Well... these hardly sound like "hilarious antics of Holly," huh? Heh heh. Oh well. Perhaps next time, I'll have something hilarious that happened to me. So, let's hope I spill Slurpee all over the carpet in a rich guy's house, have him catch me, and I blame it on someone else, and they get thrown in jail tomorrow! Yeah! That should be good. Okay. Adios for now!

"Oh, sure, *everything* sounds bad if you remember it."--Homer J. Simpson

My Confusing Dad

Well, I certainly have a list of problems, and I have missed *so* much school because of them lately. But my dad doesn't even care what's wrong with me. Actually, he doesn't even *believe* I *have* anything wrong with me. He thinks everyone should go to school every day just because that's what he always did.

I scarred my legs up pretty bad the other day when they went numb and I fell down the stairs, and they really hurt bad today, so I couldn't get out of bed. My freaking brother had to go and call Dad at work and inform him that I wasn't going to school. Dad wanted to talk to me and, of course, all he did was yell at me. I tell ya, that guy has no sympathy for *anyone*! He said, "YOU GET TO SCHOOL BY 10:00, OR I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SEE YOUR MOM ANYMORE!" He says he can take her to court and prove that she's an unfit mother. Hello?! Doesn't he see who's the unfit parent here?! HIM! I can't take much more of him. Why do I even stay with him to begin with? I love the guy, but... *sighs* he sure is hard to put up with most of the time.

Dad is really confusing because one minute, he'll be screaming at me, and sometimes Zach, for every little thing he can possibly think of. "HOLLY, YOU MISSED AN HOUR OF SCHOOL TO GO TO THE DOCTOR! YOU CAN'T BE MISSING SCHOOL FOR *THAT*!" "ZACH, YOUR KLEENEX DIDN'T GET IN THE TRASH CAN!" "YOUR MOTHER'S AN IDIOT!" "IF YOU DON'T GET THIS STEREO OUT OF HERE, I'M GOING TO STOMP IT!" UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! Then, the next minute, he'll be all happy and walking around singing his "Holllllllllllllllly Rachael!" song, and his "Oh, Zach-ya-boy!" song. He is so extremely manic depressive, and he will not admit to it for anything. Zach says, "Holly, you always accuse everyone of being racist, or manic depressive." Um... did it ever occur to him why I accuse people of that? Because they are! And Dad is both of them! ARRRRRRRRRRGGGH. *Sighs*. Okay. I can't seem to vent very well through typing, so I'm going to shred some napkins now. See ya.

--Holly

What the bloody 'ell is wrong with me?

As I've mentioned before, one of my many problems is restless leg syndrome, this deal where I have leg spasms that keep me awake for most of the night. Well, my doctor prescribed tonic water for me. I haven't had the leg spasms for a few nights, but now I'm just in horrible, intolerable pain! Yesterday morning, I got up for school, and collapsed because my legs went numb! I missed school because I was in so much pain when the feeling came back in my legs. Today, I went to school, but I fell down the stairs because my freaking legs went numb *again*! What is up with me and my weird problems that no one else seems to have?!

My grandpa Z. has cancer, so he's been getting this lazer stuff done to him. I've been pretty close to him my entire life, and if he can't beat this cancer, I'm really going to miss him. I haven't lost a grandparent yet, so that's going to be extremely hard...

My friend is thinking about killing herself, and I really, really hope she's going to be okay. She's been talking to school councilers and stuff, but she won't even tell me what's making her so upset.

Dang. I guess all I've got is sad news today. Well... hopefully, I'll have something a bit cheerier to say in my next entry. Later.

--Holly

SURVEY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a survey I stole from a chick named Nisei.

NAME: Holly the "Holy" Zintel.
AGE: 16.
SEX: Female
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: With my mom on her days off, with my dad on the other days. And when I'm hiding from my dad, with my grandparents Shoup.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? The Daria logo and a lot of cat and dog fur.
FAVORITE MAGAZINES: Seventeen, YM, Teen People... those girlie ones, in case there's anything about Daria in them. Oh yeah, and Vegetarian Times.
FAVORITE SMELLS: Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin perfume, stuffed pumpkin shells (a vegan dish my mom makes), and garlic (yes, I know I'm a freak).
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Sitting down at the Mirage Buffet after walking around Vegas in the horrible, horrible heat *all day long* instead of just taking the freaking car!!!!!!!
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING? "I have to pee."
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? No, I just get sickness.
ROLLER COASTERS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
PEN OR PENCIL? Keyboard. But pencils are cool, I guess.
FUTURE SON'S NAME: Jesse Scott.
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Autumn Kate.
FAVORITE FOODS: Linguini with marinara from Bill Knapps, stuffed pumpkin shells, stuffing, and mashed potatoes.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: My mom, anyway.
FAVORITE ICE CREAM: Actually, sorbet. And strawberry.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE: Yeah. "I think I'm really neat 'cause I like to drive a car..."--Tim and Zach's Crazy Radio Hour.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? Yup. My teddy bears, Jodie Landon and Lenny Kravitz, and my kitty, Jessica Simpson.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: I drive my mom or dad's Buick right now. I can't have a car till Zach gets a new one, and I get Zach's crappy Oldsmobile. Ugh...
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO
WOULD IT BE? Rory Curtis.
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: I don't drink, 'cause I'd like to live as much of life as possible, and don't want to act like more of a retard than I already do. But *non*alcoholic strawberry daquiries rule.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Pisces.
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POET? Trent Lane.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Nope.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Probably not.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? In the room at my dad's house, there's hottie wallpaper (I knew I put too many posters up) so that you can't see the paint. I wonder what color it was... At my mom's, it's all Daria fan art.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half bored to death.
FAVORITE MOVIE: "Is It Fall Yet?", Ten Things I Hate About You, Where the Heart Is, Office Space, Dirty Work, Tommy Boys, the Austin Powers movies, the Babe movies, Final Destination, Runaway Bride, Pretty Woman, The Prince of Egypt, Anastasia, and some others I can't think of right now.
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Ambidextious, but mostly lefty.
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? Green VW Bug.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Ice skating.
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Under their mother. What kind of an asshole eats eggs?!
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE ACTOR/ACTRESS: Jonathan Jackson, Natalie Portman, Julia Stiles, Julia Roberts, Ingo Rodamacher, Devon Sawa, Erin Torpey... a buncha people.
DID YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE HAVE WHITE OR COLORED LIGHTS? White. But they're nifty, 'cause they have a snow pattern, and it's really quite mesmorizing.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PET PEEVE? People who beat animals.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK? Let's change that to Daria fan fiction. "Restoration" by Diane Long. "Why 2K?" by Kemical Reaxion, "Guard Duty" by Invisigoth Gypsy, and "New Eyes" by Nemo Blank also rule.
WHAT IS THE MOST EXOTIC AILMENT OR INJURY YOU HAVE
EXPERIENCED?? I fell off my bike and got a huge rock stuck in my knee. When my mom pried it out, you could see the bone in my leg. It was gross.
WHAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE? Told Sarah that I liked Tim.
WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY IS THE MOST SENSITIVE? My eyes.
YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? No.
HOW MUCH TV DO YOU WATCH? Although 95% of it is Daria, a whole lot.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHOW? Take a guess.

Zintels, Shoups, Windles, and Asmuses.

Well, since I can't sleep, and can't think of anything creative, I'm going to write about the theme because themes are cool. This one's nifty, 'cause my I love writing things about my family.

I consider myself very lucky in the family department. I actually got to know my great-grandparents and my great-aunt before they died, and not too many people can say that. Hmm... well, I think I'll start by talking about my dad's side of the family.

My grandpa Z. was adopted. He's actually a Leparde, but his family was kind of poor, so the Zintels took him in, because the Lepardes couldn't really afford him, I guess. Grandpa (obviously) married my grandma, and she's an Asmus. My great-grandma Asmus was cool. I remember that she had a glass eye, and it kind of freaked me out, but she was nice. My great-aunt Mary was so, so sweet. I would come over here (I live in her and my great-aunt's house now) and talk to Aunt Mary when I was fed up with getting lectured by dad. She was so understanding, and such a good listener. Plus, the chocolate deserts she kept in the freezer for my brother, cousins, and I didn't hurt. :-) I learn a little more about the Asmuses just about every year when I go to Germans From Russia at Christmas time. It's a lot of fun. It makes me proud to go there, and sing Christmas songs with the people I love. When I look around at Germans From Russia, I feel very accepted, and know that I'm a part of something, and it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

My dad met, went out with for four years, and finally married my mom, a Shoup. My grandpa Shoup is awesome, and so were his parents. Great-Grandma Shoup got alzeimers before I got to know her too well, but Great-Grandpa was really cool. He was hilarious! He was depressed a lot, but he said I always cheered him up, and that makes me really happy to know. The Shoups are all just *awesome*. My grandpa, Uncle Raymond, and Uncle Ron are all just hilarious... I just *love* hanging out with them. I don't know very much about the Windles. I know they were a huge family, and my grandma didn't like how her dad and brother smoked.

Right now, I'd just like to take the time to put a huge message in here that's very important to my grandma Shoup, and myself. DO NOT SMOKE! I don't care if you got into it because of peer pressure, 'cause you think you're cool, or 'cause you thought it'd be nice to pick up an unhealthy addiction, DON'T DO IT!!!! My uncle Jerry died from throat cancer, and it was a really gross, gruesome death. In his last few days, he had to blow his nose through a tube in his neck, which he also had to eat and drink out of. Also, DON'T DRINK! My grandma's dad drank a lot and got this weird ulcer thing that he died from. And don't do drugs, just 'cause it's wrong. It'll make ya nutty. And one final message, don't look at porn. It destroys marriages.

Even though my parents are divorced, I love both sides of my family. I still consider us all one family, too. My family members are all my friends. I'd rather hang out with my family than anyone else. 'Cept for maybe Rory. Anyhoo, Bobby and Sarah, you guys are family, too! You're around enough to be, plus we all love you guys. Okay. Welp, I'll go now. To learn more about my good ol' family, go to geocities.com/shipperholly, and choose the All In the Family page. There's not a whole lot there right now, but there will be! See ya.

--Holly the "Holy" Zintel

Everything is Painful & I Feel Worthless

It's ten minutes to six o'clock in the morning, and I have no business being awake. I just can't sleep anymore. I have been in so much pain for the past two weeks, from bronchitis, stupid restless leg syndrome, the muscle I pulled in my stomach, and the stress of having to deal with my dad...

Even without the constant pain, it's just always been so hard for me to get to sleep. I always think of that scene in Office Space where the occupational hypnotherapist is trying to get Peter to relax. It just doesn't work. Then I try to day dream so that, perhaps, I can night dream. But the only thing I can think about is whatever stress I'm under at the time.

There's nothing I hate more than feeling sorry for myself, and that's all I've been doing lately. I've always liked helping other people, but I suck at it. My mom's been having guy problems, and all I can do is say, "Well... maybe it'll work out." I've been hiding from my dad at my grandparents house because I'm getting so scared of him. It's not like he beats me, or anything. But the man has never missed a day of work in his life, so when I miss a day of school, he's like, "I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE PUKING YOUR GUTS OUT AND HAVING BLACKOUTS! YOU GET YOUR ASS TO *SCHOOL*!" He doesn't understand how much pain I'm in, because he doesn't *have* all these weird problems. I feel like such a wuss for running away from him. I'm just too sensitive to listen to lectures. All my life, any time he yelled at me, I just burst into tears.

I can't stop crying lately. I feel worthless all the time because I'm not going to school, so I'm not getting anything accomplished. I also feel like I need constant attention. The other night, my mom was in her room, on the phone with Ron, Bobby was playing video games, and Zach and Sarah were in his room, making out. And I just felt so lonely. I'm just like... not myself lately. I'm usually all thrilled about every last part of life, but right now, everything seems to suck. I know it doesn't, I just... I need to make more friends, or something. Geez. Maybe if I smacked myself in the face, I'd feel better...

Well, I suppose I'll stop my whining now. Later.

--Holly